How to dance with girls who love to dance

A tutorial. Note: this is not "how to dance with drunk tramps". This is how to dance with one of the other girls.

I love to dance. I love to dance expressively, and sexy, and to share my appreciation of the music with likeminded men who also love to dance.

However, there are so many ways that guys fuck up when they try to dance with chicks. I get it, you want to express non-verbally you’re attracted to her, and you want to get her attention quick, before another guy does. Still, there’s a right way and a wrong way.

The Wrong Way:

Grabbing. This is not an opening move! Do NOT grab her hips, or her hands, or especially her waist, when she is in full dance stride. This is disruptive, throws her off balance, and is supremely irritating! I immediately hate anyone who breaks my groove like this. Your attention is not important to me when I’m going off. Dancing with abandon is.

Yelling. Usually follows grabbing, and consists of spewing a cloud of beery breath at her face or ear along with a few brilliant words like “You’re really hot”, “What’s your name?”, “Great party, eh?”, or the best “Looks like you’re really enjoying yourself.” I was, motherfucker, now get the fuck away from me. I don’t care how cute you are. Do. Not. Interrupt me with your pearls of wit while some hot dubstep is raging.

Grinding. Otherwise known as invading personal space, or the Night at the Roxbury move. Your feet are not welcome between my feet, I do not want your sweaty body to come in contact with mine, and my ass does not want to meet your crotch. That’s invitation only. I’ve had guys sneak up behind me (and that did take some skill), coming hip hop close without touching, until I discovered them there with an accidental brush. I punched a guy once in fury at this ass ambush. This also covers hopping up on the speaker with her. No! She looks best on the speaker by herself. You’re only cramping her style up there and no one wants to see you. Admire from a short distance.

Getting in her face. Do not be the only guy facing away from the dj, planting yourself in front of her to show off your sweet moves, thrashing wildly with a big grin, often combined with talking, often featuring hip-thrusting. That’s invitation-only too. Especially do not follow her if she moves away from you. She’s moving away from you. You fail.

The Right Way:

Move beside her so you can catch her eye and smile and nod at her, wordLESSly implying “great track, great dancing, I love this too”. Watch for eye contact, watch slyly for her to check you out. If she doesn’t leave or turn away, STAY THERE. Move no closer. Dance your best. It really doesn’t matter if you’re a shitty dancer if you’re enjoying yourself.

When there’s a lull (there always is, eventually), turn, look her full in the eyes, offer her water, and bust the best line you’ve come up with in that time (you’ve had time to think it over). Try complimenting a specific feature of her looks or dress. “I like your necklace/boots/nail polish”. You can also start conversation if you grab her walking by. But try to say something not totally generic. Use something that indicates you've at least registered her hair colour.

Dance again. Be patient. If she doesn’t leave now, touch her accidentally. Wait for smiles, for eye contact, before advancing. Then edge a little closer. If she retreats, back off.

The first time you touch her deliberately should be really tentative, easy to escape, like gently touching her waist or hip for a moment. Not both hands from behind. That just tells her you’re considering doggy-style.

Follow her lead, be it leaning into you, turning towards you, or grabbing your hand. If she retreats, back off. If she’s into you and you back off when she does, she’ll come right back, and probably touch you. If she really starts dancing like crazy, give her room to do so.

For extra points (huge bonus), shield her from the other guys. Block the drunk thrasher with a wry shrug and eyeroll (“some dudes have no control”), put your arm around her and give the guy a “have some respect” look if she gets suddenly molested by a hip thruster, move subtly between her and the creepy teethgrinder who keeps staring at her. Do that and you’ve got it made. That implies not only some sobriety but awareness of her vulnerability, and lets her know that you’re not one of those guys.

If you’ve got smile and eye-contact go-aheads and you’ve gently touched her arm, back, or waist, then during the next lull, ask her name with a comment about how sexy and special she is, or even how great it is be dancing with such a hottie who’s such a good dancer. Then you can go for the eye-locked, hips moving together, focused on each other dancing, and let it get as hot as you can.

You may notice that this whole process could take a long time, and the key principle is to let it happen. This is right and good. There’s time. The shotgun method doesn’t get anyone anywhere with any quality women. That’s what everyone is doing to her, and you want to distinguish yourself. You want to be the only guy there who doesn’t grab her ass, invade her space, and attack her with bullshit lines.

Pick a girl and focus on her for a bit. If she tolerates you dancing by her, likes your vibe, and appreciates you being respectful, then the very least you’ll get is a hot session of dancing, being the center of her attention, and feeling like the man. If she doesn’t like you, you’ll know pretty fast anyways.

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the guy who appears beside me who I know is attracted to me, but waits patiently and doesn’t touch me or talk to me. Sounds counter-intuitive, but I’ll be so thrilled to not be beseiged that I’ll be the one to talk first and pick up his hand to put it around my waist. I loooove those guys, that seem to understand. They’re few and far between, and I show my appreciation.