Alpha fishing

I’ve often tried to write about or define the “best fish in the pond” phenomena, but never quite accomplished it. It seems to be a concept seeking the perfect metaphor (which I haven’t found).

I’m talking about the tendency to determine and the urge to pursue the most attractive man in any given limited group. From the very small group, such as a work crew, a writing group, customers in a grocery store, a living room of guys watching hockey or playing poker together, to a class, the current occupants of a library, an airplane, a gym, or a subway car. Then there’s the very large group, such as a big club, festival attendees, the thousands at a pro sporting event, or the packed streets of a big city.

For me the radar to pick out the most desirable guy in any space is instinctual, and operating continually. Every room I step into, every bus, every store, every airplane cabin, my eyes scan for the outward signs of characteristics that appeal to me- sporty, strong, healthy, confident, and a bit rebellious. I almost immediately pick out the best candidate out of any small group, and tend to pay more interest and attention in his direction. I won’t always pursue, but I’ll definitely focus on the most likely guy for further assessment. Until he does something dealbreaker, and the switch of interest flicks off.

The bigger the group the better chance of a finding a really good guy, especially if it’s a group that gathers mostly youth, like a concert, or clean and single guys, like a club. That’s just statistics. However, the challenges mount too. It will take some time to feel you’ve seen everyone to be sure you've picked the best. You don’t want your eyes to still be shopping around once you’ve marked someone as your target and start throwing energy towards him. You may not see him again once you’ve figured it out; you may have the smallest of windows to make contact; and the tougher the competition, because there are likely to be that many more girls, too.

The obvious discrepancy here is that the best fish in a small group, or a group without much merit, won’t hold a candle to the best fish from a bigger pool, or a more refined pool, like the attendees of a hockey game- already filtered for sporty, solvent, hockey fans.

Other factors: how long we’ll be confined in this group together. A train trip for days? That will be worth beginning a conversation. A work force assembled for a month long job? There’s time to assess pretty carefully. A bus, or subway? There’s no time at all. But eye contact is pretty effective.

Why do this? Then what about the urge? Why is it important to achieve bond with the alpha in any given situation? Why even spend the energy on assessment if the coolest guy leaning over the carrots wouldn’t even see the meter at the bar for a UFC fight?

My best theory is that it’s practice. Measuring the comparative merit of guys in a small pool, and even making moves towards conversation or connection is all practice for the biggest pool of all: all guys alive in a very wide acceptable age, language, and attractiveness range.

Because there are those times when your eyes meet someone else’s, and you just know. For a short time or a long time, this person has completely captured your attention, and there is no further shopping required for the time being. Those are the times to walk straight up and touch them, not times to pussy out.